A year ago, I was a completely different person. If I were to meet the me from then, I’m not sure if I would even recognize myself. Physically, I’m the same. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally: the Lord has made amazing transformations in me this past year.
I started thinking about this because a couple of weeks ago, I received a notification from WordPress that I’ve had my blog for a year. I thought back on my posts and reflected on how I’ve grown through this whole process of posting my thoughts on the internet. While I made this blog for other to read, the improvement and change in myself might be the biggest impact this blog’s had on anyone.
I started writing in my drought. I was left at what was my nothing. Now that it’s passed, I can look back and say that this last year was the worst/best/hardest/dearest time of my life thus far. I really came to understand that in my weakness, His power is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). People who I thought were my world left; and, surprise, my world spun in perfect rotation without them. I was thrust from my dangerously comfortable passivity into emotional limbo, and I eventually found a healthier, better normal. I see how much my heart hurt this year; yet He spoke soft words of healing to me and slowly, meticulously soothed my open wounds to mere scars. Sometimes our lowest is exactly where He needs us to be. After all, we come to know the Lord in a whole new way through struggle and heartache. I discovered such a close, personal relationship with Him through these hard times. I came to know Him as my Good, Good Father who loved me exactly where I was and exactly where I would grow to be.
What felt like a drought ended up just being a planting season. It felt dark and completely un-fruitful, but all I needed to do was delve into the Word and give myself the time and grace to grow. Now I can see the flowers that bloomed in my soul from that heart-heavy time of my life.
I’m now the happiest I’ve ever been. Honestly, saying it that way feels wrong because it’s not happiness, it’s joy. I am so filled with joy that one of my deepest desire is that it overflows out of me and onto other people. The Lord has done such amazing work in me and He’s still working; that’s something I praise Him for every day. I am by no means finished and yet He still loves me as though I’m perfectly complete. In the knowledge that I’m loved by God, I find it easy to love myself. I am still weak, but I’ve been made strong through the Lord’s perfect power.
Here’s to happier and healthier times in my life and I hope in yours, too.