Vulnerability

“I am learning each day that it’s good to show yourself, to tear down the walls that we build when we have been hurt. We must let the sunshine of honesty and love flow into our souls, just as we much let light fall upon all living things. To open up is to breathe in, to let our hearts be vulnerable is the first step that leads us to run towards something good. I am not extending my hand to an unknown when I allow myself to feel deeply, instead, I am reaching with the hope that my future will not be the same as my past. Because when we are vulnerable with those we love, we grow stronger and more whole in who we are, and ultimately we find ourselves becoming who we were created to be.”- T.B. LaBerge

Recently, I’ve been going through lots of change. I’ve been relying, clinging, on Jesus to be my peace. And this quote is something I’ve been thinking on. It can be hard for me to talk to people and relate to them what’s going on in my life. In most circumstances, I assume that they won’t understand what I’m going through and that I’m not good enough at relating my emotions to make them understand. So, because of this personal downfall, I tend to feel alone at the times when I need people most. It’s sad, and what makes it worse is that it’s completely self imposed.

The other day, I was in a car with someone who cares about me a lot. And this person wanted to know what was going on in my life and what was troubling me. It took this person coaxing me to let them know what was going in my life for me to actually completely open up. They kept telling me that they were a safe spot for me, that if I was to open anywhere, it should be there. I allowed myself to be vulnerable; and vulnerability can be quite scary. Now, I don’t think this person would ever give me a reason to not be vulnerable around them. In general, like most people, I don’t like feeling vulnerable. But, as I’m learning, vulnerability can be a good thing. It doesn’t necessarily mean weakness. In fact, vulnerability can be strength. To someone with a fear of weakness and a desire for strength, that is a truly glorious thought to behold. To be vulnerable is to be real, to be who you are at the very depths of your core. And I’m slowly but surely learning that. I hope to keep growing every day, to let people in without a fight, to show my friends and family how I’m really feeling. I hope to  be unabashedly  and unapologetically be Annika, the very core of my being left on display for those around me.

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